It was a stupid joke. I said it as an offhand, spur of the moment, throw away line and it got a HUGE laugh from the whole class. Well...except from one student. I didn’t notice it at the time, but later in the day, I found a note on my desk from her. It was long, it was emotional, and...it became immediately clear to me I had f***** up. Damn. I needed to restore the relationship and also address the class. I apologized to her and then the next day to the class. Most of them had not been offended, but it was important that I tell them why what I said was inappropriate and apologize for being a poor role model (and just poor human) on that day. 

As Maya Angelou powerfully said, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”

We are all works in progress. We all make mistakes. But, we also can all change. Being willing to adapt and adjust to changing sensibilities, new information, and new perspectives is a part of living a reflective life. I bristle when people criticize any politician who changes their position on an issue. Isn’t that what we want? People who have not dug their heels in but when presented with new information and insight are willing to say, “You know what...I was wrong. I feel differently about this now.” I remember when people eviscerated Barack Obama when he eventually came to support gay marriage. Previous comments were trotted out to try to show him as weak, wishy-washy, and a flip-flopper. What some saw as flip-flopping, I saw as evolution. 

People are allowed to grow. And...they are allowed to grow without being shamed or humiliated for previous transgressions. Growth should be celebrated. When someone is late to the party, how much better is it to welcome them and say, “I’m glad you’re here” as opposed to “Where the hell have you been...you’re late...get out.” 

In fact, after publishing my last blog, I got a wonderful email. Basically, it said, “Hey. I love your work and I love this blog, but…” and then she proceeded to point out a section that rubbed her the wrong way and why. I took a look and...she was right. I changed a few lines and sent her the link to check back and see if she felt better about it. She sent another wonderful email and we both left the interaction feeling respected. (Thank you, Erika!) 

“When you know better....”

In another recent case, I was called in/out over a blog I wrote years ago. I immediately took their concern to Marisol Rerucha, our Director of Culture and Community at Dave Burgess Consulting, Inc.. We deeply trust Marisol. So much so that we hired her this past summer to help us “do better” by adding her powerful equity and social justice perspective to our team. I told her the criticism. We talked it out. The blog got immediately trashed and the discussion led to me removing a full five-minute section of my live program. Not looking for props...just trying to adjust when I believe the criticism has merit. And this did. 

“When you know better…”

Do you know a place I feel educators (and society in general) could “do better?”

In how we support and provide safe learning environments for nonbinary and transgender students. All across our school systems, these students face apathy, misunderstanding, ignorance, and even open hostility and violence. It is unacceptable on every level. ALL students deserve a safe, accepting, and supportive environment to live and learn.

Whether the lack of support is a matter of bigotry and prejudice or just ignorance and cowardice is not important. We MUST do better.